Posts Tagged ‘Love’


Guys want genuine women in their lives. They want to know who you are and what you’re about right from the start. Women don’t want their guy to change mid-relationship, and guys want the same thing from a partner. Knowing this, I’ve compiled a list of the top nine things that my male listeners and readers feel should never, ever be fake about you:

1. Sharing your man’s interests
Often, women will feign interest in activities that they would never normally do in order to get to the first date with a man and to keep things moving along once they’re seeing each other. Don’t go crazy for his favorite football team, develop a love of white water rafting or suddenly crave Ethiopian food if those things simply are not true to your character. He will eventually see through it or be greatly disappointed when he didn’t get the outdoorsy woman that he always dreamed of once you grow tired of it. A man would rather you admit early on that you’d try something new just for his sake than to act like you absolutely love something that you have totally hated all your life.

2. Friendships with other men

Do not act like your guy friends are purely platonic when you’ve actually dated (or hooked up) in the past with some of them. Guys understand that you can be friends after the romance ends, but they really want to know whether or not Bill, who you have lunch with every day, is simply a work buddy or a former flame. Your boyfriend doesn’t want another guy knowing intimate details about you without his knowledge. Being honest about this area of your life is key in how he chooses to interact with them and whether or not he’ll accept your friendships with these men.

3. What you want out of the relationship
Be clear about what you want out of love. Do not tell him that you want something casual when you know that you have already planned the wedding out in your head. Don’t say you want to settle down when you are juggling 10 other guys on the side. He wants to know what the goal is in your dating game so that he can decide whether or not to continue playing along. Also, easing into a relationship doesn’t guarantee that you will be able get something deeper going down the road with him if you change your mind.

4. Your opinion on his circle of friends
Do not act as though you like his friends and family when you really don’t. Men have been caught in this trap many times by believing their woman was comfortable around — and even enjoyed spending time with — their inner circle, only to find out months later that she was actually miserable. He would much prefer that you were honest about which people you enjoy being around and which ones you don’t care for. Many relationships are lost when an annoying friend or family member is always around. Let him know your true feelings about his circle so that he can make adjustments to make you more comfortable.

5. Your overall look
Men love a beautiful woman, whether she’s all natural or full-on glam. However, most feel that you should be just as stunning at 6 a.m. as you were the previous night out at dinner. Men get the magic of makeup, heels and even Spanx — but they want the “natural” you to be just as captivating. Plus, they want you to be just as confident and sexy without all those props as you are with them.

6. What goals you’d like to achieve in the future
Don’t approach him as a high-powered career girl and then, once you move in together or get married, decide to quit working to stay home all the time. Men like to feel that they know what type of partner you will be down the road, and if you are secretly hiding a passion to work abroad, become a soccer mom, or dig into a few more degrees, he needs to know this so that he can make a more informed decision about your overall relationship compatibility. The truth is, he has a picture of the “ideal” family life in his mind — just like you do.

7. Your desires in the bedroom
Some women pull out all of the “big guns” in the bedroom early in the relationship only to cool things down once a man’s hooked. Men feel that the way a relationship starts out sexually is where it should stay, and if you are playing around and pretending to be something you’re really not in order to get a ring, he will be devastated. Be your true self in the bedroom and you’ll have a better chance of building a sustainable relationship.

8. What you find attractive about him
Why are you interested? Why are you there? If you’re interested in him only because he is a fabulous lover, tell him that. If you are only interested in him because he is powerful and successful, be honest about that, too. Most men (like women) know their strong points and their weaknesses. He’ll know what really see in him and will be greatly surprised if your actions and words line up with his thoughts. Bottom line, he wants to know what attracted you in the first place so that he can maintain it and keep you interested over time.

9. Your romantic history
Be clear about your past relationships and love history. He wants to know who he should be on the lookout for, who hurt you the most, which one is “the one that got away” and who you still have to deal with regularly because of things like kids, a job or a family member. Men do not want to be surprised by your past lovers, and they also want to try to avoid doing the things that let you down or hurt you in the past with other men.

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, radio personality and the author of TEASE: Steamy Short Stories. Learn more at

While you may not buy into the idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, when it comes to communication, men and women do express themselves in different ways. “For women, the purpose of communication is most often to relate; for men, it’s usually to share information,” says Karen Gail Lewis, EdD, relationship therapist and author of Why Don’t You Understand? So while it may seem to you that he disregards your feelings, he might be wishing like crazy you would just tell him what you want. Read on to learn seven things your husband wants to tell you in order to help bridge the communication gap.

1. A small “thank-you” makes a huge difference.

You might think, “I do plenty around here, so why do I have to say ‘thank you’ whenever he pitches in?” But he probably doesn’t agree: “I’d cook, clean, do the dishes and laundry much more happily if my wife said ‘thank you’ more often,” says James.* Just like you, he needs appreciation and, yes, a little ego-stroking. “Studies have shown that happy couples give compliments often. Offering a simple ‘thank-you’ is an easy way to show appreciation and make him feel significant,” says Todd Creager, licensed marriage therapist and author of The Long, Hot Marriage.

2. I’m more likely to offer you concrete advice than a shoulder to cry on.

When you come home from work and start complaining to your husband about your demanding boss, to him it sounds like you’re asking for help—even if all you want is a sympathetic ear. Dave* encounters this often: “The other day my wife was venting about a problem. Every time I came up with a solution or suggestion she would interrupt and dismiss it. She thinks I’m telling her what to do, or implying that she can’t think of solutions on her own.” Know that when he gives you advice for handling that bad boss or overbearing sister-in-law, “that’s how he shows that he cares,” says Dr. Lewis. Try not to confuse his advice with criticism, but don’t be shy about telling him, “You know, I’ve tried that, too. I think what I really need now is to just vent!”

3. If you want a chore done by a certain day, tell me that.

You asked him four times to fix the wobbly cabinet door to no avail, so your complaints about him not doing it seem justified. “My wife does this all the time. I know I have things on my mental to-do list that she wants me to handle, and I will! But unless she tells me it’s urgent, I’m going to get to it when I can,” says Don.* When he hears you ask for a task or chore to be done, all he’s hearing is that you want it done—not that you want it done based on a time line you’ve set but haven’t shared with him, says Dr. Lewis. “He wishes you knew that he’d be very happy to fix whatever you want fixed, so long as you’re specific: ‘It would be great if you got that cabinet door fixed by the time my parents arrive on Sunday.’”

4. Tell me directly what’s bothering you.

Since human beings lived in caves, men have probably sat around bewildered by their mates’ fluctuating moods, wondering why she won’t just say, “I’m pissed off at you because…” instead of, “I’m fine” through clenched teeth. The thing is, he knows there’s something wrong, thanks to the exaggerated sighing and stomping around. “You may think you’re not communicating, but you are. What you feel is being transmitted,” says Creager, just not in a healthy way. The key is to express it directly––“I’m upset that you came home and went straight to the computer”––rather than being passive-aggressive.

5. Please don’t ask me how you look in that dress.

First of all, there’s no right answer to a question like, “Do these pants make me look fat?” Then there are the times you ask his opinion even though you’ve already made up your mind: “My wife seems to ask things like ‘Should I buy that dress?’ to confirm her choice, not to get my real opinion. And if she asks me how she looks in a dress, I know well enough to say ‘I love it!’ no matter what I really think,” says Alex.* So either don’t ask at all, or be specific, advises Dr. Lewis. “Ask him, ‘Do you think these shoes match this dress?’” And definitely think before you ask things like “Does my butt look big in this skirt?” If you want a blanket “You look great to me all the time, honey!” then you’re fine as long as your husband’s willing to play along. But if it’s honesty you’re after, be careful what you wish for.

6. I wish you didn’t think we had to talk all the time to be close.

You both get home from work, or finally get the kids into bed, and then you just sit there watching television. You call this togetherness? The truth is that he does, even if to you, it’s not “being together” unless you’re actively having a conversation. “The silence in the room, and just your presence, feels like closeness to a man,” says Dr. Lewis. “He doesn’t necessarily need, as you might, to be engaged in conversation in order to feel connected to you.” So every now and then, reach out and squeeze his hand, and if you want to talk, say so––but don’t assume that silence equals lack of interest.

7. I wish you wanted sex more.

You may be thinking that your hubby always wants sex, but what you don’t understand is that by rejecting him you’re making him wonder what he’s doing wrong. “Many men think, ‘I must not be so good at it,’” says Dr. Lewis. It’s not just about his needs; it’s also about pleasing you. “Both men and women want to feel intimate with each other, and what women need to understand is that men often derive intimacy from sex––whereas oftentimes women need intimacy in order to have sex. So talk about what you both really want, and find compromises that work for you,” she adds. And if you are in the mood? Act on it! He’ll not only love that you initiated it, but also appreciate feeling desired by you.

Full Story Here–> 7 Things Your Husband Wants to Tell You

Also Check Out

Find out 10 things that turn men off. 

Learn how to move past the same old fights for a happier marriage. 

Get marriage advice from the “other woman.”